How I write women

 If you've ever gone to the writer's side of social media (TikTok, Reddit, Twitter, etc) you may have come across more than one female writer laugh at the ways some men write women. You may have seen the screenshots of either classic or modern books where the male author spent a whole paragraph describing his female character's anatomy, especially her breasts, rear end, and whatever other body part one may find attractive. Suffice to say, this is not a particularly good way to write women, and it's a method I've been taught to avoid. So, what's a better way to write women?

When it comes to characters, I like to make mine three dimensional. The term "three dimensional" means that a character has depth, but I personally find that explanation meaningless. After all, what the hell is "depth?" To me, personally, I consider a character with depth to possess the following attributes: a personality, preferences, fears, hopes, dreams, strengths, and weaknesses. 

So when it comes to female characters, I like to write mine with these seven attributes in mind. To give an example, consider the character of Daisy Derriwinkle, the main character of Geeky Turn On! Her personality is somewhat childish, introverted around people she doesn't know, but extroverted around people she's comfortable with. She likes video games, and has a preference towards 1 player games like RPG's. She fears being unworthy of being loved. Before meeting Paige, she had hopes of finding someone nice. After marrying Paige, she hopes to stay married to her forever.

Of course, these seven attributes are universal, and apply to ANY character you want to write. That's kind of the point, though; writing a deep female character isn't particularly hard, if you have the know-how. And yet, I find that a LOT of people would disagree with me, for different reasons.

There is, of course, the camp that has disdain for women, and thus they write their female characters with this same disdain. It's the focus on their bodies that gives them away; to them, a woman's worth comes first and foremost from her physical appearance. This ISN'T to say that a woman can't be described sexily, but there has to be more to her than that. 

And of course, when writing in first person, having the narrator describe a woman in such loving detail can be used to demonstrate what they think of the woman, without having the narrator say it out loud. When writing A Tempted Geek, I made the decision that Paige would describe Vanessa in these flattering details specifically to SHOW the reader that Paige was very much attracted to Vanessa, instead of telling the reader such a thing outright. To make sure I had this right, I consulted a few beta readers and close personal friends on how to do this. In short, I succeeded.

But as much as one can try to avoid falling into the trap of over-focusing on the female body, there are those who write their women as little more than male characters who happen to be female. This is going to be a HARD concept to explain, so I'll try as best I can.

Many writers often attempt to distance their female characters from traditional femininity in an attempt to make these characters more independent and modern. Some writers make decisions like making their female characters hate wearing dresses and make-up, preferring things like sports or cars or academics. When making action/adventure stories, many writers choose to have their female characters have a disdain towards femininity as a whole, emphasizing instead their (for lack of a better term) masculine energy. These are female characters who LOVE guns, but have nothing but pure loathing for such concepts like fashion or wearing accessories that match one's outfit. This attempt at trying to prevent misogyny then bounces back to being misogyny by implying that femininity is undesirable.

That's a pitfall I try my best to avoid, and the way I do it is by having my female characters actively enjoy feminine things, or display traditional feminine characteristics. I like writing about women who actively LIKE the color pink, wear make-up, and dress up. I also enjoy writing about women who are tough both inside and out. I like having female characters who cry openly, but are strong enough to face their fears.

When it comes to my influences regarding female characters, I've got two words: Sailor Moon. Sailor Moon really did show off how so many different types of women can ALL be equally kick-ass AND feminine at the same time. Yes, Usagi Tsukino is a ditz; doesn't mean she's not gonna kick ass when Queen Beryl sends her latest monster! Yes, Ami is studious and serious, but she's STILL gonna make sure her sweater is cute and flattering. Rei is tough and no nonsense, but damn can she SLAY in heels! Makoto is tall and rough, and she also LOVES cooking. Minako may have been boy crazy and ditzy, but she was also the one who'd been in the game the longest of the five main gals. And those are just some examples off the top of my head!

Sailor Moon is the show that taught me to balance female characters and not be afraid of making them both feminine AND kick-ass. These two ideas are not mutually exclusive, and in fact they can compliment one another quite well. I think it's interesting, the idea that a woman can both worry about how she looks while also worrying about finding the lost treasure of El Dorado, to name an example.

And that's what I strive for when writing women. I want that balance between the traditionally feminine and the modern view of women. I want to write women who can be tough AND tender at the same time.